Pippin's Guide to Annoying the Fellowship
by SparklesAreMyLife
Summary: Want to know how to get on the Fellowship's nerves? Well, now you can! With Pippin's help, you'll be an expert in no time!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings :( All rights go to Tolkien. **

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Chapter 1 - Legolas

1. Put pink dye in his shampoo. (Any other colors of dye will work as well)

2. Constantly ask him how long he has secretly been in love with Aragorn.

3. Shower him with your concern and pity because he has an overly abusive father.

4. Shave his head in his sleep.

5. Drench his bow in glitter.

6. Or superglue.

7. Right before a battle. :)

8. Write him a love letter addressed to "My Dearest Honey-Pie Leggykins" from "Your One True Love, Elrond the Magnificent" and then bribe Galadriel into giving it to him so that he thinks it's for real.

9. Constantly look over his shoulder as he is reading the letter and then tease him mercilessly afterwards... (Legolas and Elrond sitting in a tree - K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, second comes marriage, third comes an elfling in a baby carriage!)

10. Hide in his sleeping bag and pretend you are dead, and when he starts to freak out, jump out screaming, "THE SMELL! IT BURNS! MY EYES! I'M DYING! AAAHHHHH!"

11. At Rivendell, while Legolas is not present, tell the whole Fellowship about his secret crush on Aragorn. Then tell Aragorn that Legolas is planning to murder Arwen so that he can be with Aragorn. As Aragorn storms off to find Legolas, run after him chanting, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Then, right as Aragorn is about to stab Legolas in front of an audience containing almost everyone in Rivendell, scream, "OH WHOOPS! I FORGOT! LEGOLAS IS IN LOVE WITH GIMLI! NOT ARAGORN!" And then proceed to run for your life.

12. Throughout the journey, constantly sing, "I know a person that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a person that gets on everybody's nerves, and his name is Legolas!"

13. In the Mines of Moria, loudly offer to hold his hand because of his morbid fear of the dark.

14. While Legolas is not looking, take his bow and carve "Legolas is a weenie" on the handle in capital letters.

15. In Lothlorien, ask him about his fling with Haldir when said Marchwarden is within range of earshot.

16. Rifle through his pack and then announce, "Alright, it's official. Either Legolas never changes his underwear, or he doesn't wear any!"

17. Write a letter to his father and tell him that Legolas has decided to elope with Gimli.

18. While he is sleeping, braid his hair into a crown with flowers and ribbons.

19. Tell him that you set Fangorn Forest on fire, and tell him that you told Treebeard that Legolas did it.

20. Constantly look at him for long periods of time, and when he asks what you are doing, tell him that he reminds you of a pirate.

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**A/N - Please review! If you guys liked it, I will continue and do one for each member of the Fellowship! If there is a certain character you want me to do next, let me know! REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Thanks to all those who reviewed! Here's chapter 2!**

**Disclaimer - Nope, still don't own Lord of the Rings. **

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Chapter 2 - Aragorn

1. Engage in a completely normal conversation with him, and then, out of the blue (when Boromir is within range of hearing), scream loudly "ARAGORN WANTS TO BLOW THE HORN OF GONDOR!"

2. When you arrive in Lothlorien, walk up to Galadriel and say, "You look like a powerful person." Then get down on your knees and beg, "Please, oh please, for the love of humanity and all that is good: MAKE ARAGORN TAKE A BATH!"

3. Gel his hair into a mohawk and dye it electric blue.

4. Make his sword sing "I'm Sexy and I Know It" whenever he pulls it out of its scabbard.

5. Tell Arwen that he has fallen in love with Legolas and never wants to see her again. Make sure that Elrond can hear when you say this. Then give them directions on where to find Aragorn, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the intense fight.

6. Write him an extremely detailed story about him and Legolas 'getting it on'.

7. Paint pink hearts all over his clothing. Throw some rainbows and narwhals in for good measure, too.

8. When everyone is sitting back and enjoying a nice dinner (well, as nice as it gets when you're on a journey to the Mountain of Doom), sweetly inform Aragorn of the cockroaches, worms, and tarantulas that you mashed into his stew. Then, for extra fun, dump a bucket of said creepy-crawly creatures over his head. And run.

9. While in Rivendell, hide all of His clothes in Elrond's room, and then take away any type of robe, blanket, towel, etc. that he could use to cover himself up. For better effects, do this right before a feast or party when Rivendell is crowded with guests.

10. Throw his stuff to the top of a tree, and then when he goes to climb the tree, BAM! Wasp nest.. IN THE FACE! And you might want to run here too...

11. Constantly sing "Call Me Maybe" in his ear.

12. Write Arwen a letter, something along the lines of, "Dear Arwen, I HATE YOU! I don't know what I was thinking, falling in love with you. I mean seriously, you're an ELF, for goodness sake! Everybody in their right mind knows I HATE ELVES! Especially you! Because you're prettier than me! NOBODY CAN BE PRETTIER THAN ME! Sincerely, Aragorn.

13. Refuse to wash yourself for as long as possible, and always stay near Aragorn. When he tells you to take a bath, say, "But I was only following you! I'm trying to break your record of going the longest without a bath, but I still got another year to go, so you better get used to this!"

14. Give him the letter that Arwen has written in reply to "Aragorn's letter", which says roughly this: "My dearest Aragorn, HOW DARE YOU?! I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU, BUT NOW I SEE HOW YOU REALLY ARE! WE ARE SO OVER! DONE! GOODBYE FOREVER, LOSER! Love, Arwen."

15. Stuff sharp rocks in his shoes, and once he puts them on, challenge him to a race.

16. When he tells you to do some boring chore, say, "I may do that someday, but it is NOT THIS DAY!"

17. While sitting around the fire, telling stories, sigh and say, "I remember the good old days, back when Aragorn's hair wasn't so greasy.."

18. Tell Aragorn that since he didn't profess his undying love for Legolas already, you did it for him.

19. Then, make a poster that declares said undying love and hang it up during his coronation. Or better yet, his wedding with Arwen! (If she ever forgives him, which is unlikely, but still..)

20. Mix blond hair dye into his shampoo, and when he washes his hair (if he ever does), say, "What happened to you? Oh.. I see. You love Legolas so much, you want to be just like him! But he's still prettier than you, soo I guess you failed.. But I mean, it's better-ish.. Maybe..."

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**A/N - Please review! The reviews really make my day, and if you review, I will be more likely to update! If you liked the story, or if it made you laugh, giggle, or even just smile a little, let me know! Please just take 30 seconds and tell me what you think! REVIEW PLEASE!**


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